I’ve come to realise that parenting involves and requires a surprisingly vast amount of choices. And different parents have different parenting skills for different situations. In fact parents may deal differently with their respective children, as every child is totally different from the other.
So should we judge the way another mom raises their child just because it’s different from the way we parent?
I was on the phone with a friend and told her I had to get off the phone to pat J to bed (it was wayyyy past his bedtime and Barney was still blaring on TV). Her response (in perhaps the most condescending tone ever): “you still have to pat / rock him to bed; he should be on a sleep schedule at this age. XX goes to bed by himself” I was furious!!!
I mean kudos to you that your baby is able to fall sleep by himself and I have to rock (not literally rock more like turn out the lights, lie beside him and sing / talk lol) mine until he falls asleep. It doesn’t make either of us bad moms, just different.
I can understand in extreme cases when parents are just neglectful and maybe harmful to their kids (like seating your toddler in the front seat of a car, no seat belt, no car seat!!!). But different doesn’t always mean wrong or inappropriate. There are a million ways to be amazing, and loving parents.
What if I think it’s okay to scold / spank my son, and you don’t? We are both still parenting…just different choices.
What if I vaccinate my child, and you don’t? We both still want the best for our kids.
And what if you send your son to school at 12 months and I’ll rather home school mine till he’s 24 months? We are both still making sure they learn…just different choices.
It’s unfair all that judging from breastfeeding choices, to birthing preferences, to discipline choices, to feeding choices, etc.
A lot of new moms feel nervous about talking candidly about their own parenting choices, and I understand that. If everyone wasn’t so judgy maybe we’ll all be more comfortable discussing the respective choices we’ve made. But because of your judgy-ness which you have convinced yourself is “not rude” another mom is anxious of the choices she has made in raising her kids while in reality she was doing just fine until you and your judgy-ness made her feel her otherwise.
We need to STOP! MAMA’s let’s just STOP!!
Whether you are aware of it or not you may be judging or have judged another mom for their parenting styles just because it’s different than yours. Honestly, I too am guilty of unconsciously judging people by the way they parent and I shouldn’t. It’s wrong and I know people judge me for some of my own parenting choices. It shouldn’t be like that.
We should learn to embrace the differences and not judge each other; it’s what makes us all unique. We all are just trying to be the best moms we can and learning along the way. There is no guide book to being a good mom, just focus on having and maintaining a happy healthy family by doing what works for you. If you are trying…..you are doing a good job!!
Have you found yourself judging another parent, or being judged?
Love & Light,