Mommy Guilt is REAL!!!

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Mommy guilt is a real thing!!!! Every mom knows this.

It’s that guilt you feel not just about work but about everything; like when your flight is delayed and you’re not going to see your baby before bedtime or when you don’t have the time for drop-offs or doctor’s appointments. All moms experience it, (SAHM, working moms, mompreneurs, all of us) one way or the other.

Its sweet when he's up early enough so we can have breakfast together, sometimes he's up early enough for me to bath him and say goodbye...but the guilt was so tough to deal with....
Its sweet when he’s up early enough so we can have breakfast together, sometimes he’s up early enough for me to bath him and say goodbye…but the guilt was so tough to deal with….

To make matters worse, the mommy guilt turns into worry. We worry that we’re not living up to the standards that we set for ourselves as career women and mothers. As a new (working) mom I used to worry what people will think of me at work when I have to take so much time off to make it to doctor’s appointments, unplanned pick-ups, unplanned nanny days off, and other family concerns.

Fortunately, I’ve realized that all that worry is wasted energy. So now instead of worrying about what colleagues may think of me, I give my job my absolute best and trust that my obligation to my husband and my son will pay off far greater than anything else. And instead of worrying about whether I spend enough time with my son; I make the best of the time that we have together.

I remember when J was 5months and 2 weeks and all the stress from work, back and forth travelling, late nights and early mornings just had its toll on me so I fell ill, and my milk dried up. He was 5 months old. That was a low point for me. I had to quit EBF long before I planned; and it was completely out of my control. I used to tell my husband I felt I had failed my son by robbing him of this, and he didn’t understand why it was so important to me to EBF. But as a mom, all you want is the best for your child and if that means someone chugging on my boobs then so be it.

J at a few weeks over 6 months, shortly after i stopped EBF, he was (and is) still a very healthy happy baby #london
J at a few weeks over 6 months, shortly after i stopped EBF, he was (and is) still a very healthy happy baby #london

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To deal with mommy guilt I believe you should recognize and admit the guilt, and then ask yourself if you are okay with your decision to take this path. “Is it the best decision for my family, at this time?” From personal experience, the mommy guilt didn’t necessarily go away but I began to do things a little different to better manage the feeling. I started to tell myself that constantly feeling guilty about something my body could no longer control was not healthy for me or my son. So I picked myself up, appreciated that I was able to EBF my son for 6 jolly months (I had a stash of frozen milk which helped for about 3 weeks), and it was the best I could do at that time.

Let’s face it, being a mom can be extremely challenging. It takes a lot of planning, prioritizing, compromising and support to manage a household. Consequently, we end up sacrificing self-care and self-love. In the long term, sacrificing self-care is not sustainable.

So when next you find yourself feeling guilty, take a moment to think about who and what matter most, then refocus your goals and refuel your ambitions.

How do / did you deal with mommy guilt? Let’s share, you never know who you may be helping.

Love & Light,

Mrs O. 

 

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8 COMMENTS

  1. I’m in the train, on my way back from my full-time job as an Executive Secretary and my heart went to my little girl who has not seen me since the early hours of the day. I have been penning-down goals, as I am also a student-mum, trying to perform the ” balancing act”. Needless to say that my heart was broken, in pieces. Your blog post was exactly what I needed to read. It may not be easy, but the Lord is our strenght. Thank you for reaching out to all moms out there. Thank you for putting a smile on my face. Thank you! ❤ Adanna from Rome (Italy)

  2. I’m in the train, on my way back from my full-time job as an Executive Secretaryou for anow International organisation. During the ride, I have been penning-down my mini-goals for the week, my work list, study chart ( yes! I’m also a student-mum) and after taking a deep breath I felt like my heart was tearing apart). Yes! I felt guilty. Guilty that my three old had not seem me since morning and that my quest for a successful career, my decision to be a working mom could hinder her development. I soo much needed to read this. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, thank you for reaching out to all mommas out there. Preach it! Adanna from far Rome, Italy

    • You are doing great hun! You should try to remind yourself that you are setting an example for her – that she can grow up to be anything she wants to be, like mommy! hang in there Mama x

  3. I dealt with mummy guilt too after I cut my daughters hair cos d back hair wasn’t growing well .. I dropped her off at school and all the girls in her class had hair even the ones with “chop chop” hair didn’t cut theirs . After I dropped her off, I went straight to the barbers n cut mine too.. Now I don’t feel so bad anymore .

  4. As I mentioned on another post, I became a Mom about 2 months ago. My mommy guilt borders mainly on breastfeeding. I had a CS and couldn’t nurse my baby for the first two days. He was introduced to formula early. Breastfeeding began to seem herculean. Finally I started lactating on the third day. Getting my baby to latch on properly without experiencing pain became the next hurdle. We have struggled together for the two months and I’m happy to say we have gotten the hang of it by turning to God and so many baby care articles. I gave away my can of Enfamil some days ago and I have been giving my baby breastmilk only since then. It’s been going well so far.

    I don’t know how long I will breastfeed but I will take each day one day at a time and try my best.

    Could you please recommend a good breast pump and ways of increasing my milk supply. I currently use Tommy Tipper single manual breast pump and I’m not sure I have the best value. Look forward to your response.

    • Hi!

      I also had quite a hard time with breastfeeding at first, then got the hang of it, unfortunately i wasnt able to EBF after 6 months.

      I used the Medella breast pump (electrical) and the Tommy Tipee (manual) breast pump – this manual pupm really requires skills lol. I also drank the Organic mIlkmaid Tea to help with lactation. We have a detailed post on my breastfeeding journey coming soon. You should subscribe to the blog (it’s free) so you’ll get notified when there’s a new post x

  5. I share a similar story with the mum who had a CS. My babies were formula fed from day one. I was knocked out cold for a day after my CS. They did eventually get breastfed and formula fed for 4 months. I hated breastfeeding at first because of the nipple sores .Babies eventually started refusing to be breastfed when milk gradually started to dry up. I handled this guilt by accepting that I had twins, EBS wasn’t possible.
    But these days, I feel guilty each time I’m not there for a first (e.g walk, teething, speaking), I feel guilty each time they fall sick and end up at the doctors’ , like I didn’t do enough to keep them healthy. I feel guilty each time I get home after they have fallen asleep. I feel guilty that I can’t make them varieties of meals. I feel guilty that I cant be there full time to nurse them back to health when they have a fever. I feel guilty that I am not the one who picks them up from crèche and puts them to sleep. I feel guilty and incompetent each time hubby gives the perfect response to emergency situations which I am clueless about. But with all this, my job which keeps me away, is a necessity. I want to be able to give them the best necessities, afford the best luxuries. But I also want to give them the best of me, my affection, time, commitment and attention. So for now, I am nursing my mummy guilt until I can switch jobs.

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