I wish someone told me…..

......one thing i wish i knew before i became a mom.

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Mama and J

Being pregnant I felt prepared for motherhood. I read all the right books and asked (what I assumed were) all the right questions.

I was prepared for nursing, for sleepless nights, for dirty diapers, for pee in my face. I was ready for the challenge. Or so I thought.

It turns out I wasn’t prepared for the emotional roller coaster that is the first few months with a newborn. Where I’m from, culturally, people find it difficult talking about post partum depression. No one talks about PDD. It’s just one of those things.

To be honest, talking about it here is actually scary to me.

While I didn’t experience post partum depression, I experienced major hormonal fluctuations, which in turn led to a lot of UNCONTROLLABLE thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I was overwhelmed, scared, slightly frustrated and weighed down. I would sometimes cry when J would scream uncontrollably (he was colicky; I’ll do a separate post on how we dealt with this).

To make matters worse, I got sad that I wasn’t a happy mommy. I felt like I was ungrateful to God for such a miraculous blessing. But I knew I was thankful, and I loved this little being more than life itself.

J at 2 weeks. born at 9lbs12oz.
J at 2 weeks. born at 9lbs12oz.

I would cry to The Hubs at night about how I was overwhelmed, and he would try to remind me that I was doing an amazing job. I think somehow he understood what I was going through because he NEVER once tried to snap me out of it. He would let me cry it out, talk it out, or laugh it out.

Some days I would just be mad at him. For nothing. For absolutely nothing. But he always did his best to cheer me up.

In hindsight, I really think it was all mostly my hormones fluctuating; I used to be on Dr. prescribed ‘’over-the-counter pills’’ for regularizing my hormone levels, and pregnancy – childbirth must have stirred up something.

For many women the hormonal fluctuations are smooth sailing, but for others, like me, it was a shipwreck. I experienced lots of crying and intense joy – both extremes which consequently resulted in stress. It was an intense hormonal roller coaster. And though I didn’t need medical assistance as with PPD, I needed to be encouraged through it. I needed to be reminded that I wasn’t a bad mom for feeling these things, and that it was okay to feel these things; because it wasn’t all bad feelings, it was just A LOT of feelings.

The Hubs was amazing, he made conscious efforts to point out the great things I was doing. He even got me a T-shirt that says “World’s Greatest Mom”.

Out to lunch. Always tried to get me out of the house....
Out to lunch. Always tried to get me out of the house….

And we got through it. By the time J was 10/11 weeks, I was feeling a lot better. I was more confident in my ability to take care of him. I prayed more, renewed my faith in God and sought help when I was tired. I was hardly feeling overwhelmed when he cried from the discomfort caused by colic. I wasn’t weighed down anymore by the thought and stress of waking up 4 times during the night to feed.

More confident in my strength and abilities as a mom...
More confident in my strength and abilities as a mom…

I had dealt with my feelings, overcome my fears and I was a happy confident mommy.

So if you are pregnant, or just had your first baby, or you plan on having a baby, I hope that someone told you this – that you may have to deal with A LOT of feelings. And I hope that it’s easier for you to deal with it than it was for me.

But in case it is hard, know that it gets easier, more enjoyable and it’s always worth it.

What did / do you wish you knew before you had your munchkin? Have you dealt / are you dealing with these feelings?

P.S: If you follow my social media @oby_o (instagram and snapchat) accounts, you probably know that we are currently in Dublin spending some time with family (my twin sisters-in-law just had the 2 most adorable babies in the world – making my uterus jump!!!) and i brought J to meet his new cousins!!! We are having such a great time :)

I took some time off from work, and gave J’s nanny some time off too so i’m looking after him all by myself :) It feels good to take a break from the “paid job”, BUT there’s no days off from being a mom – i’m still on 24/7 shift looking after J – and i LOVE it!

camera shy lol
camera shy lol

I’ll be responding to everyone’s e-mails and comments tonight *fingerscrossed*

Love & Light,

Mrs O.

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38 COMMENTS

  1. Im going thru d exact same tin even tho my little one is 6months old and hubby doesnt understand atall and so not helpful,i still had an outburst this morning and feel so alone..Its almost as if these post was made for me…I wish so bad that there is something i can do to make myself better and happier as i am a stay at home mom

    • I may not know you, but please know that you are doing an amazing job. I’m not a mother yet, but I’ve watched my mother raise 8 of us mostly by herself because my father worked a lot. Your children will be very grateful for your struggles and your love when they grow up, I know because I couldn’t be more grateful for my mother. You can find joys in little things, perhaps you could start a blog of your own to talk about your journey as a mom, your experiences could help many people around you. God bless you, and I hope this encourages you, even just a little bit. xox

      And Oby, I’m a big fan, keep up the good work!

      • Thank you Nancy! You are a kind woman :) and i hope someone is also there to encourage you – if / when you need it!!

        I wish more women / mothers would stand up and stand for each other like this. Well done Hun x

    • Don’t beat yourself up .. It’s ok to feel that way sometimes and these men don’t understand! My hubby can sleep for days! He won’t even move wen d baby is screaming at 2am! I always tell people that wen u have a baby, u can have a house full of people but still feel alone .. Talk to your hubby.. Let him know exactly how u feel, he might not know what you are really dealing with . Xoxo

  2. Loved this. Depression (and mental illness in general) is such a taboo topic for our countrymen lol. But it’s quite serious. I’m glad you addresses the topic so that others are encouraged to seek help if and when needed.
    First time reader!! Loved it!

    • Thank you Mikki :)

      It’s unfortunate but it’s true – culturraly, Nigerians don’t tend to talk about “feelings” so it’s diffuclt to be understood / encourgaed / supported.

      A larger percentage of women suffer from PND and don’t get any help. Hopefully this gets better. x

  3. Omdayssss!!! I’m not alone after all. Gosh oby God bless you for this. I never knew about pdd or hormonal fluctuations but the good thing was that my hubby did and he was really of help. My parents inlaw came in from Nigeria and I must confess I wasn’t such a good daughter inlaw while they were around as I was always sad and down. knowing our 9ja parents, they thought I was just been dramatic & ungrateful. My mom-inlaw would try to snap me out of the mood but that even made me feel worse. My mom would call from home and say I was been ungrateful to God and God would be angry with me, she also said I was going to make my child an unhappy girl ????. No one understood but my husband and I’m grateful to God he did. May parents inlaw stayed for 11weeks and that was about the period I started to be normal again. For a while I felt like they left with a bad impression of me and whenever I think about it I still feel bad. #iwishiknewwhileiwaspregnant #iwishouroarentsknowthis . Thumbs up momma J and sorry for my long ass comment Lool

  4. Had my first child 2 months ago and I was a bit emotional. I used to cry everyday for about 2 weeks thinking about how I was going to take care of my son all by myself and also cope with work. The Hubs was there for me and made me bounce back to my normal self. Although I’m yet to resume work, I feel much more better now and I believe I will survive it.

    • Thankful for supportive spouses!!

      To be honest, it may be tough resuming at work the first day and next couple of weeks but it got easier for me – and i hope it gets easier for you too. x

  5. awesome post
    had my first child abroad far from the love and care of family
    first 3months was something else tanks my supportive hubby
    breastfeeding wasn’t easy initially had to use nipple creams to easy the soreness!! oh my God those first 3months wasn’t easy,I cried everyday,I missed the love and care I would have had at home back in naija
    decided to have my second child in naija

  6. This is soo beautiful…am a mom to a two year old son..I had all of these experiences and I keep appreciating God daily for the man He blessed me wit..my husband has been so helpful always encouraging and very helpful at a point he was doing some of d households chores.. I remember d morning I was to resume work for d first day after my maternity leave,after I packed my son’s bag for his creche I broke down weeping uncontrollably..felt I was failing in my responsibility as a mom..felt I was abandoning an innocent child in a creche..my hub had to pet,encourage and reminded me I was doing a great job for a first timer..husbands ve a great role to play in curbing d menace of PPD!

    • Absolutely! A supportive partner makes it alot easier to deal with.

      I felt everything you described – the guilt was terrible!

      Thank you for this x

  7. I went through the same thing, and added to the nipple
    Crack and all I always cried whenever it was time to breastfeed,my husband was very helpful thank God.

  8. I’m a new mom as well and went through this the first week only. I had a csection and was in so much pain. I kept having nightmares..I would wake up and just weep, throughout the day I would cry cause I felt so overwhelmed and extremely emotional. I felt I was being ungrateful to God. Thank God for my husband, he was so supportive and reassured me throughout that phase. He was always there at night to put the baby to sleep or change her diaper. He did everything to make me feel like I wasn’t alone. No one really tells you about this meltdowns…as Nigerian women we don’t really talk about it because we fear people will look at us as weak or ungrateful. I’m glad I read this and know I’m not alone.
    Anyone going through this should just pray to God for support and for help around you…most importantly pray for your partner to be there for you through it. It helps.

    • Thank you for your honesty darling!

      I totally agree, the most important thing is having support, and a partner that understands. Kudos to your hubby for assisting with your Little ONe.

      Well done Mama X

  9. This was exactly what happened to me, get angry with my husband for no reason. We thank God for understanding husbands. God bless them!

  10. Such a great post! I don’t have a baby yet, not married, not engaged, don’t even have a boyfriend yet and im not seeing or talking to anyone but hearing other people’s experiences is great and would hopefully get me more prepared for my turn. Can you talk about how you dealt with the weight gain during pregnancy and how you were able to get it off so fast. You look Terrific!

  11. thanks for sharing….I went thru exactly the same when I had my son, my husband was away overseas for 6 months after his birth and I was surrounded by people (including my mum) who had no idea of what I was going through. They tried to help but they couldn’t just reach my innermost need/reasurrance, I almost went crazy and always screamed at everyone and would break down in tears afterwards…I got better gradually but it was tough….#I really really really wish i knew about PPD/ hormonal flunctuation…maybe would have been more prepared to deal with it.

    • Absolutely! I know i would deal with it alot better if it did happen to me again. The most important thing, for me, was having dependable understanding support. We live to learn, right? lol x

      • very true dear Oby, I handled it much better when I had my 2nd baby….it was much easier cos I learnt hard through my 1st …lol..we truly live to learn…Xo

  12. Comment:yea had d same xp,my MIL just stayed for a week after delivery so I was left all alone with d baby coupled with house choats nd cooking it was reli over whealming,sha I got over it.

    • Lol my 2 moms left me on the same day too!!! lol it was a cry-fest that day :( because i was so used to having either or both of them with me!!! But we thank God for strength and supportive spouses / family.

  13. Nice!! I’m studying pediatrics and I actually have a report to write on PDD.I’m finding this very helpful…..thanks

  14. Nice!!! I’m studying pediatrics and I actually have a report on PDD to submit in Monday I find this Extremely helpful nice 1st hand information ???

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  16. Thanks Oby, I am happy you got to write this. I am back in school for my second degree and had my second child and schooling as well its been two years but I don’t feel like am fully recovered because I didn’t take time to care for my self. Hubby didn’t and doesn’t understand still.

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