Common Misconceptions of the “Working Mom”

my personal experience so far....

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Let me start this post by sharing a personal experience …..

I was leaving the office early one day and bumped into a colleague who wondered why I was leaving so early. I explained that J’s nanny called to say he had a high temperature. He sympathized with me and mentioned how kids need their mothers, and how J just had a high temp because he “needed my warmth”. It didn’t end there lol.

My dear colleague went on to say how he has 4 kids and none of them has been / are being “raised by” nannies. This of course was a man who has a wife whom, I presume, had chosen (or not) to stay at home with his children while he went out to work. My J, meanwhile, was at home. WITH his nanny. WITH a fever of 95.

I just smiled and said nothing. Usually, I would have loved to jump in to defend myself and the millions of other working moms in the universe but I knew he didn’t mean to offend me and definitely didn’t even realize that he had said anything controversial. So I let it slide.

Turned out J didn’t just need my “warmth” he had mild chest infections and needed a Doctor……..Go figure!

....That day at the pediatricians....
….That day at the pediatricians….

Unfortunately, I deal with this issue more often than I would like to, and I bet other women in business and working moms also do. So I thought it would be interesting to (in this safe space) point out the most common misconceptions that I have personally encountered and try to provide some perspective from the viewpoint of a working mom (WM).

  1. A lot of people assume ALL working moms want to be home and are only working because they have to. Personally, I LOVE being a lawyer, and I LOVE my job (….on Fridays lol jk!) It keeps my brain sharp, utilizes the education and expertise I’ve built over the years, and makes me appreciate the time I spend with my family all the more!!! I work because I want to, and I know I am blessed to have a choice.

Before I had J I knew I was going to be a working mom. I never saw myself as a stay at home mom. The Hubs and I had talked about it severally, and started making necessary arrangements for adequate dependable care for when I had to return back to work. J’s nanny was hired when I was 6 months pregnant, and she stayed with my family overseeing the care of my nieces and nephews for 4 months BEFORE J was born.

Sure it was pretty darn hard at first throwing myself back into work when J was barely 2 months old but because I was leaving him with someone that had been thoroughly interviewed and observed, my major concerns were not about his well-being but missing his company and managing the mommy guilt I felt.

The Hubs and I rushed home from work to "mark" J's 2 months old milestone....with 2 candles lol....
The Hubs and I rushed home from work to “mark” J’s 2 months old milestone….with 2 candles lol….
....would "rush" home during "lunch" to breastfeed J...
….would “rush” home during “lunch” to breastfeed J…

Eventually I adjusted to my new life, we created a very good schedule and routine, and it became totally manageable. There are days that I feel like a supermom who is totally making it work and kicking a**.  Yet some other times I feel like I’m flunking in some areas. But every mom has one of those days, even Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHM).

  1. Now just because I work, doesn’t mean I support the idea that ALL women should work. It is a personal decision that should be made to suit yourself and ultimately your family. Every family is different and therefore not every family will make the same decision.
  2. Another popular misconception is that kids of working moms are being “raised” by nannies / daycare providers. While I’m beyond thankful for the love, support, and fun that J’s nanny provides him, she CANNOT replace me as a parent. My son is raised by our values, I teach him, put him to bed at night, get him ready for the day when he’s up early, fix his meals, play games with him, pray with him, read to him. My time may be limited BUT I’m IRREPLACEABLE.  I can outsource J’s care but I cannot outsource what I mean to him or to my family.
  3. Another misconception is that being a WM is easy because WMs are away all day: Thing is, I am not “away all day” on vacation. I am actually working all day like other working people. Personally, I have set my own standards in the journey of being a working mom; so that even after a stressful day I return home to balance my household duties; and prioritize my tasks accordingly because of the limited time I have.

At work everyone knows that I work like a crazy woman trying to get everything efficiently completed on time so I can get home on time. The reality is that I have 2 jobs, when I get home I look after J, and the Home. That’s my best job.

5. Ever heard the “I don’t know how you do it but I just can’t imagine leaving my little munchkin at home all day I love her too much”. Seriously? Does this imply that I love J any less? lol. You must know working moms who are your gynecologist, your kids pediatricians, your kids class teachers, the authors of those books your kids love so much, or the baby sitter or nanny you need every once in a while.

Many amazing moms who deeply love their children too are thriving in their careers and excelling at their jobs!!!

6. And then there’s the idea that we are miserable at work because of how much we miss our kids. Yes, I miss J a lot, but it gets easier. It used to be a lot harder. But I’m not miserable at work. Frankly, between all that brainstorming, there is little or no time to think about all the things that could make me miserable.

I can honestly say that I do not regret what I do and I enjoy the daily challenges I face in doing MY job. I take great pride in being a good lawyer and in the career and educational advancements I have made since graduating Law school. I look forward to setting an example for my child(ren) that if you work hard, you will be successful in doing what you love. I would want my daughter to understand that a woman can choose to be an amazing well-grounded homemaker OR she can have a career, participate in activities outside the home, and still be an amazing mom.

  1. There’s also the misconception that WMs can’t or don’t understand what it’s like to be a SAHM.

Honestly, being away on maternity leave is the longest I have been away from work at a stretch. But I get leave days, which I spend looking after J, and The Hubs. When I take a break from work, J’s nanny goes on leave too. So for the few weeks she’s away I’m largely responsible for looking after J.

For instance, last year – December 2015, I took a break from work for a month. I spent the first 2 weeks in December doing a lot of fun stuff with my extended family members and friends – lunch dates, Christmas parties, birthday parties, night-outs, drinks, fashion shows, store openings. Then I gave J’s nanny time off from the 2nd week to the 1st week in January, 2016 and I spent the rest of the holiday looking after J together with The Hubs. Yes, it was unforgettable because we bonded and enjoyed our time together, but it was also unforgettable because it was HARD work.

looks like he was screaming at me to hurry, after i had spent good time making him amala and soup!!
looks like he was screaming at me to hurry, after i had spent good time making him amala and soup!! – Dec ’15

Just like some stay at home moms; I looked after my son the entire period. To be honest, I was exhausted a lot and sometimes I felt a bit under-appreciated…but at the same time I also felt important, blessed, and loved. I’m not ashamed to say it, it’s tasking looking after a toddler without help….IT.IS.TASKING!!!

  1. Another misconception is that for WM, our careers are our top priority. In my case, my family is my top priority. My desire to succeed never trumps my responsibility to my family. While I do get satisfaction from my job, and I believe what I do is important, it does not compare to the love and respect I have for my family.

There are many more misconceptions about working mothers, which I try to overlook. However, what actually bothers me is why Motherhood has become some sort of competition between moms – SAHMs and WMs on who has it worse / better, or who is a better parent.

Why should we have to constantly defend our parenting choices? When we should be seen encouraging and treating each other with respect.

If you are a stay-at-home-mom reading this, please know that I admire your ability to look after your kids all day without expecting any promotion, salary or remuneration. I appreciate that you are a dedicated, constant and qualified figure in the lives of your kids even when it may be exhausting. I respect your choices and I understand how important your role is because I’m also a mother.

Please tell me I’m not alone in this!!! Let’s hear your comments on the misconceptions you have faced as a SAHM or a working mom. And if you want to be featured on the blog to share the misconceptions you face as a SAHM, please e-mail us on playsuitsandlawsuits@gmail.com.

Love & Light,

Mrs O. 

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77 COMMENTS

  1. Thanks for sharing. Many people & even SAHMs need to stop condemning & judging working moms. Quality over Quantity… its not about the amount of time spent but about how you make the most of the time available no matter how small.. As a teacher I even come across few SAHMs that don’t care as much for their children as WMs. So instead of criticising, lets encourage & celebrate our mothers- SAHMs & WMs alike. Keep up the good work. May God reward you. Amen.

    • Aptly put….quality over quantity… in my opinion. Persoanlly, i encourage and celerate either; it’s a personal lifestyle choice.

      Thank you for this, may God reward you too Hun!

  2. I totally enjoyed reading this! Very inspiring Oby. We women should learn to encourage and support the choices we make for ourselves and family…it should never be a competition of who’s doing what and who isn’t.
    I’m a working / stay at home Mum and i know how difficult it is managing my business, home and life. 24hours is never enough!

    You blog is amazing! God bless you and continue to use you as a blessing to this generation

    • Absolutely Yagazie!!! if we all encourage and support each other, making these decisions become a lot easier.

      I admire your strength too, being a female entrepeneur in Nigeria is an uphill task. God Bless you too Mama, and thank you for the encouragement. x

  3. Being a mum is really a full time job. I am not married yet and I don’t have a child and I know how exhausted I am after work. Well done to all the mums out there, you are all superwomen!

  4. OMG!! God bless you for this piece, i’m not a mom or wife yet (soon to be) so i’ll tag myself future working mom (FWM), I remember I went out on a double date with my fiance’s friend and his wife who happens to be a SAHM and I met them up from work and the 1st thing she says in a derogatory manner is working class lady hmmm J(fiance) how do you manage with her busy schedule, will she continue when you guys are married and he says of course she won’t even want to stay at home she’s not built that way, she loves working and I support her, she goes on to say well when the kids come it would be a different story, J says why? Afterall my older brother is married with 2 kids and his wife still works, even comes home sometimes later than he does so what’s my excuse? At this point she shut her mouth and I smiled, didn’t need to defend myself, but silently I was fuming, like who are you to question my life choices or how I intend to raise my kids cos she said I can’t leave my kids in the hands of nannies oo. I’m like and that makes you better than me, I can question your choices too but I feel you think you are doing what is best for your child so why not leave me with mine. Oby the truth is things like this can be so annoying but I always pray that when i’m put in a position of defending my life choice I don’t get so angry and say things I’m not supposed to cos sometimes it gets to me and yet I’m not even a mom so I can imagine if someone says this when i’m a mother..

    • HAHAHAHA! That’s such a funnny story! I sometimes find myself in such situations, but my argument is very compelling and simple – TO EACH HIS OWN! Lol.

      Hang in there Hun, you are blessed to have a supportive partner. Wish you guys all the best x

  5. I totally loved this piece and I agree that we shouldnt be defending our parenting choices. As mothers we should be encouraging one another. Reading this piece couldnt have come at a better time as I was worried about my daughter not meeting up in the learning pace of the kids in her class and I met a mother today who encouraged me nd shared things I could do to help her. I felt so much better and got clarity on how to handle my daughter.

    • I’m glad you have good support system. It’s easy to beat yourself up as a mom…try to remember you are doing the best you can for your child in the circumstance….PLUS she would love you all the same!!

      If you are trying…you are doing a good job. Hang in there Mama x

  6. I am a SAHM and judging WMS really is not my thing,I look at WMS and sometimes wish I could have been one but wether SAHM or WM we all have one thing in common we are MUMS and we should support one another any way we can.No judgements from both sides.It all comes down to doing your best as a SAHM or WM.hope I made sense. Love you oby and well done.

    • I totally agree P! The most important thing is doing your best as a mom in whichever circumstance, and respecting other moms choices too.

      Thank you for throwing support behind either choice……that’s very encouraging Mama x

  7. The general idea is if as a woman you’re not working, you don’t earn that ‘respect’ from families especially from your own hubby-the reason for d misconception of working Moms only work bcos they have to. For me, I couldn’t care less really, I enjoy been both’ WM & SAHM’ cos rly only mothers can understand how tasking both can be and talk about been under- appreciated even been at home, girl I know the feeling. Your baby could trip over his or her toys and get bruised, develop some kind of domestic injury even while you’re home with them but imagine how bad u may feel if after coming home from work and seeing a scratch, the baby sitter go hear am lol . So o in all sincerity it’s a personal decision that has got to be respected and we women /mothers can only make this work. NB : I’m new here and you’re doing wonderful.. Feel so relieved and glad am not alone in all these. Thank you mom.

    • Hahaha that feeling of “being under-appreciated” can be REAL!! But the kisses from both The Hubs and J seem to make up for it lol.

      And yes, it really is a personal decision, do what suits you as a mom and let another mom do same, right? lol

      I’m glad you like the blog, stick around Hun, i think you’ll enjoy what’s coming up x

  8. Heyyy Oby! This is an amazing write-up! I find your argument very compelling! I am not a mother or even a wife yet…. Still a student lol. Amazing what you’re doing! xoxo

  9. Lovely blog.. I have learnt a lot. I’m not a mum yet though soon. I’m working as well..
    I love my career and I know God will give me Grace and Strength to a good WM like you..
    Keep up the good work darling.

  10. I really took to heart a lot of the things you said ,as a young college student looking to become a lawyer one day ,I hope to be able to juggle being s wife mother and a professional woman .

  11. wao! quite an interesting read! well I’m a Soon to be Mum STBM (believing for my own bundles of joy) and I do a Job that takes me away from hubby but we always see to make up for the lost times and believe me it is usually interesting……. (roll eyes) To be apt I’m in d MILITARY! wao! yes, I planned to stay working cos I love my job and I planned to continue in d job to raise my bundles of joy MYSELF .hubby and I have already worked out a solution.so whether a WM or SAHM I doff my hat for you…but I actually appreciate all d WM who have succeded in balancing d home front with d work front. …..souljagal

  12. I’m glad to hear from all these wonderful mums, well I’m not yet a mum but I’m a WW( working wife ) and I know how it feels like having a job and also caring for hubby. I totally appreciate both SAHM AND WM and I believe as women we can encourage each other rather than condemning our little efforts. Nice one oby the Lord is your strength.

    • Thank you for your kind words hun! It’s still a task looking after your home and work, even without a child. I always say – i don’t just have a husband and a son, i run a HOUSEHOLD, It’s not “just 2 people” It’s FAMILY. Your struggle is not any less valid hun. More grease to your elbow! xx

  13. I totally connect with your write-up. We share some common ground as i’m a lawyer, WM and also have a toddler who i rush home to at the close of work everyday. The only difference is that i hate my job, lol. My friend who’s a SAHM makes those annoying statements that get to me like “i cant imagine leaving my babies at home to work, they are too small” , her twin babies are almost one btw, and it really ticks me off cos it sounds like she’s judging me for choosing to work. I don’t love working more than i love my kid, infact there is no basis for comparison, but i will not ever consider being a SAHM…not after studying Law for five years, 1 year law school and 1 year service?? If that was the plan, i would have gone to a catering institute and saved my brain all the stress. Kudos to you. I will be visiting this blog more often.

    • Omg that’s such a funny way of putting it! it really does take a long time to get an LLB and a BL doesn’t it! lol

      Yayyy glad you like the blog, you should subscribe to it so you’ll get notified when there is a new post. Stick around, i bet you’ll love it hun x

  14. I absolutely find dis interesting nd helpful. I’m married nd expecting my 1st baby nd I’m still in my finals in sch.i haven’t given birth but I’m already stressed out with every. I appreciate u mothers a lot

    • I’m glad it helped mama. Try to relax, take it one day at a time. It does get easier, and motherly instincts are REAL! You would be fine hun.

      sending best wishes your way x

  15. Although, I am still 21 I know I will be a WM. I have been thinking about it And also keeping it to myself because I grew up in a very traditional home, in a traditional environment. Btw J is so cute and healthy. I am happy you are handling it well. I hope you are happy. Lots of love (y)
    girlupandwalk.wordpress..com

    • Thank you darling, and i wish you all the best. I’m happy i’m doing what i love and still raising my son the best way i can. somedays it’s easy, some days it’s not but i love it all the same.

      Sending hugs your way hun x

  16. Wow! This piece says it all. I am a WM and I have experienced first hand most of the issues you have highlighted. For some WM’s it a choice while for others it’s an absolute necessity. I truly salute all mothers weather working or stay at home. As a working mom, I have had my good days and not so good days. I am blessed to work in the same environment where my kids school. I have 2 year old twin girls and believe me the minute I get home i hand them over to my nanny so as to get some quiet time especially after a really hectic day at work. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care for them or love them less, it’s just that I need the strength to be the best I can for them.
    I duff my hat for every working woman who also runs a home it can only be borne out of genuine commitment to see our children and husbands achieve the very best. XOXO

    • Absolutely! the strength comes from the love and genuine commitment. I’m glad you have competent help to relieve you when you need to rest; i always say our family deserves us at our very best!! Keep up the good work mama x

  17. Okay, I don’t know what to call myself cause I work from Monday to Friday and spend the weekend with my family. I have grown daughters and my Mum takes care of the kids while am away with my hub of course. I love your piece. I always feel this terrible gilt everytime am away from home cause its like my mum is raising my kids but. My family keeps on encouraging me to forge ahead. The weekends are always more fun for us. Am happy I have found a blog that addresses issues like this. Thanks

    • You are welcome Princess! I’m glad you like it.

      And you are blessed to have a supportive family that encourages your dreams!! My mom is also one of my biggest motivator. God bless and keep our mothers.

      There’s a post i had done earlier on “Mommy Guilt”, you should read it, i hope it helps. Sending you love and best wishes hun x

  18. I Enjoyed reading this piece,i have been a WM and a SAHM(which I am now) and yes I fully understand how difficult it can be being a working mum.But then like you said to each his own, I am now ready to work ,now the kids are a bit grown,i am even ready for more kids because I feel I can handle either status (WM or SAHM) :)*Superwoman*

    • *INSERTSFISTBUMP* hahaha well done mama! you are a superhero! And you are blessed to have experienced both sides of the coin, you must have such an objective view of both. if you want to share your tips on coping at either being a SAHM and then a WM, we would be more than happy to listen!!! Wish you all the best x

  19. Very interesting blog i must say. I can relate to almost everything i have read on the blog so far ( stumbled upon the blog today and played catch-up:-)). I try not to be judgmental though, but even when i am, i don’t speak out. I just waka pass.lol

    • I’m glad you like the blog, and i love that it’s relatable!!

      I know what you mean, but i always hold myself back from judging because everyone’s circumstance is just so different that there’s no hard and fast rule for motherhood.

      You should subscribe to the blog (it’s free), so you’ll get notified once there’s a new post up! stick around, we have sooo much in store, i think you’ll like it x

  20. My first thought is that we women tend to judge ourselves like crazy and it makes absolutely no sense. i was a working mum (working 9-5, and running my own makeup business on the side) and it was hard juggling everything i tell you, i secretly wished to be a stay at home mum. Guess what? my bosses temporarily moved back to their country to sort a few things out so i’m kinda 9-5 jobless now(except for running my own business) and i tell you, IT IS HARD! SHM y’all are the real MVPs and i don’t understand how you do it, my respect for you is on another level now. needless to say, i am in the procss of getting another job cos even my husband is tired of my mood swings from being home almost all day, some days i enjoy the time off, other days i ABHORE it but i’m trying to use this time to focus on my son and being more attentive to my huusband, you know live in the moment.
    But hey, the grass is never greener and we should never judge other women for their choices

    • Wow! you are amazing, how did you do all that? YOU are the real MVP lol!

      I absolutely understand the “living in the moment”, because it always seems like the grass is greener on the other side lol But the most important thing is respecting other moms choices and trying not to judge. Sending hugs your way x

  21. Loove this write – up. .. i swear u hit the spot.
    I gave birth 11 weeks ago and going back to work in 2 wks with mixed feelings.
    Happy to get out of the house daily. Sad i’ll miss my Lil bobo. Anxious to get back in the corporate game. Pre-stressed about work stress. Lol
    all the different comments about ‘how I will do it with andre away from me and still breastfeeding’ are driving me nuts!
    Thanks soooooo much. You’ve got a new fan!

    • I’m glad you liked it. That’s the idea behind the blog, for moms to share similar experiences to encourage others.I know i have soooo much to learn and i’m looking forward to hearing other people’s experiences.

      I had mixed feelings too going back, but it gets easier! Stick around mama, i think you’ll love what we have coming up. x

  22. Comment:lovely piece really inspiring! Am a WM too and its really not so easy for me cos I couldn’t get a good nanny to watch my girl so her dad accpted to do it while he’s at home b4 their strike is over and den I will have to tink of registering her in a daycare,most times wen I call home and she’s crying cos she’s refusing formular it really disturbes me like why can’t I just quit and go home to be with my baby but my husband encourages me dat she’s fine and I shldnt worry myself. Thanks for this blog the Lord strengthen all WMs and SAHMs

    • Awwww! It was hard for me at the beginning but it got easier.

      Amen, God’s strength be with us all! I wish you all the best mama, and i hope it gets easier for you too. hugs x

  23. Sometimes i do not understand the titles SAHM and WM.

    Many people do not realize that being a mom is not about you. It has nothing to do with your office or your title but your commitment towards the ministry of raising the next generation. Proverbs 31 was indeed clear – hands were mentioned twice in that chapter – God wants us to use our hands as moms to be lifted in His direction in prayers and the other type of hands in service. This chapter of scriptures encourages me a lot because it gives me a model to benchmark myself by. I am particularly excited because the chapter ends with – of all the virteous daughters i exceed them all.

    So, the next time some one makes a comment to make you feel terrible about you being a SAHM or WM, shake off the feeling and ask yourself – Am i performing my work as a minister in my home well? If your answer is yes, thumbs up to you, if not… please seat up and be committed in your calling as a caretaker of the people God has assigned to you.

    • I love this comment! i TOTALLY agree with you, it’s not about any of those categorizations, it’s your determination and commitment to being a good mother that matters.

      Thanks HUn x

  24. I so much love dis writeup, am not married yet but I hope to be a wm too. Thank God I came across your blog..Now you even have to run three jobs..we ladies rock!

  25. Oby O, you have spoken my mind, full stop!

    Sometimes when I get insensitive comments from SAHMs, I tell myself that they’re probably hoping they could be in my shoes. Don’t get me wrong I admire SAHMs. I was practically one during my maternity leave for my second child. I enjoyed school runs for my first child and the bonding. Yes, it is TASKING especially when you don’t have a reliable nanny.
    However, .I love to work and even if it wasn’t a 9-5 paid employment, I would probably run a business.
    I think there are so many unconscious biases towards women and especially WMs both in the workplace and out of it.
    Oby thanks for sharing.

    May the Almighty crown our efforts with children that will forever bring us joy and pride.

  26. amazing! I started working as soon as my first daughter clocked a year n six months. Presently, I have 3 daughters, n have been able to build my career over the yrs. went back for further studies, masters, professional exams. Honestly, it takes the grace of God to be a wife,mum,career woman. my mum never worked, but as soon as I graduated from school, got married I made up my mind I was going to be a role model to my children (although these were discussed while I was dating my hubby) n it is really paying off as these girls are always on top of their classes, they see me juggle b/w house chores,office work n always reading. Mothers, pls be a role model to ur children, esp. the girls.

  27. Oby O thanks for sharing. It’s like you read my thoughts.

    Sometimes when I get insensitive comments from SAHMs I tell myself that they probably wish they were in my shoes. But don’t get me wrong; I admire SAHMs. The mental & physical capacity and patience required. . . O boy! I experienced it when I spent four months away from work after the birth of my second child. Although I enjoyed school runs and bonding with my first, mehnn it was tasking, especially without reliable nanny.
    There are many unconscious biases towards women especially WMs both in the workplace and out of it. So I see why a fellow mother should be judging me for my decision to be financially independent in this day and age.

    May the Almighty crown our efforts with children that will forever bring joy and pride to us

  28. I absolutely love how you juggle being a mum and a lawyer and still manage to look effortlessly chic. Here is the reality, till you are experiencing exactly what someone else is, you wouldn’t understand what they feel or are going through, hence the misconception conceived by many. Kudos to you Oby!!!
    Though done with my first degree and currently working, I think its absolutely important to get to that point in which I can say “I’m ready to be married” .Therefore, I would really like you, in consequents post to talk about that point wherein you knew you were ready to be married. Also, please talk about how ladies, future mamas and mamas can remain chic in the midst of their ever busy daily schedule.
    Hugs…

  29. Great work Oby,

    Additionally, women who are moms need to realize that being a mom is actually not about “you”, it will never be hinged on the title SAHM or WM. Being a mommy is about ministry, it is a call to raising the next generation and it is a golden assignment in which God has uniquely called us women to. Lets verify this claim from Proverbs 31:10 – 31. She is called the Virtuous Woman and Hey! before you commence your judgement – she is the benchmark God officially wants us as women to be like.

    In my study, I observed that there were 2 types of hands referred to in this chapter (clarity comes from the Hebrew definition)
    v. 13 referred to the hands as “Kaph” – which means “upturned hands” extended in prayers
    v. 20 referred to the hands as “yad” – which means “ministering”/ “serving” hands.

    Every woman has been defined by God as a woman of eternal significance!!!!!

    The next time someone speaks derogatorily about you, you do not even have to bother with a response because it tells you how they think of themselves just seek peace from responding to yourself – Am I fulfilling my place of ministry? If your answer is no! Please seat up! The good news is that the chapter was concluded – “Many daughters have done virtuously but you excel them ALL”

  30. You couldn’t have said it any better Oby! Another misconception is how work colleagues assume your productivity reduces because you have a child or even trying to change jobs and you mention that you are a parent during an interview (this has started an argument even amongst my mommy friends).

    I do have to say kudos to you having to leave J at 2months – I was still dealing with alot within myself during that period, I went back to work after 6months and I felt so terrible 🙁 my child is now 3 and still that way something especially when things dont go well at the nursery but I will always be a WM…

    I’ve had the priviledge to experience both sides of the story and neither is easier… Until recently I never did show that I’m working mom on social media or on my blog (and I supposedly share my experiences as a parent) bcos work is jus a different world for me but another momblogger made me realise there’s no shame in “sharing” your time with your child(ren)! So thanks for reiterating this point ?

  31. I have experienced both sides being a WM and a SAHM.In both cases I had a nanny. Still have a nanny and can’t do without one cause I am not about to go crazy! Thumbs up to all the “do it all” by yourself mom’s. I’m not a SAHM by choice but sometimes things happen and you find yourself at home. I can’t wait to get back to work. Don’t let anybody guilt you into feeling bad for going out to make something of yourself, a woman needs to feel fulfilled and appreciated outside the home too.

  32. Interesting read. TO EACH HIS OWN! I was working before I got married and had hoped to continue after our wedding but due to alot of irregularity In my late place of work eg..being owed for 4months etc.i made up my mind to startup my own business. Having said this, I won’t judge any mom who feels she can manage her home front and still be a career mom. There’s no standard formula to making a perfect mom..The word here is GRACE!

    • Absolutely! it’s Grace, whatever you are capable of handling, right? Kudos to you Mama, on setting up your own business! I have huge respect from women entrepreneurs 🙂 Sending best wishes your way x

  33. i’m not a mum or married but am a Montessori directress with children in my care. I know how exhausting it can get, so I think I could pass for a “SAHM n WM” lol.
    Kudos to all mums which is the priority before getting to be a stay at home or working one, it’s all not an easy journey I must say and I love your blog. My love to J

  34. I am a lawyer too with the legal aid council. Am in my first trimester of my first pregnancy and I plan to work till I deliver in order to enjoy three months with my baby, after that am so going back to work. It’s really a good thing you doing and I appreciate how you tackle these issues. Kudos! I can’t imagine putting my certificate under the bed, I respect people who make that choice and are happy with it but for me, it’s a hard decision. Plus, my hubby doesn’t even buy the idea of being a Stay home mom/wife.

  35. Like I’ve said several times, I don’t even know why this is an issue. With my barrister workaholic of a mum I still had a very good life. My mum is irreplaceable, I am not attached to any nanny. The fact that both my parents could provide made life so much easier. If I couldn’t reach dad, mum would do it. As a doctor it’s not even in my thinking to stay at home. I’m also a workaholic and I will make sure my kids have a great life or at least I will try hard. Let’s respect each other’s choices. People make sniggering remarks about other’s life choices all the time and it’s so annoying.

  36. Hi Oby. I just stumbled on your blog, saw this interesting piece and felt like I should share this. I have been a SAHM for 3 years now. I have a 3year old and a 6months old. It was both stressful and fufilling, also note I had no social life as in, zero. My friends were tired of asking me out because they work weekdays and I spend the weekends at home so DH and I can spent some quality time together. Now to my story, I have recently started a training in preparation for me getting back into the work force. I have been looking forward to it for so long. I can’t remember the last time I left the house without a diaper bag. Anyway, 4 days into my training I happened to mention to another lady in my group that my 6 months old had a cough and she says to me “I don’t understand why you would leave your children at home and want to work”. Mind you, she isn’t married and has no child. I simply looked at her and smiled and thought to myself, you can never satisfy the world. While I was a SAHM, all I heard was don’t just sit at home o, you’re a woman, you should work and then 4 days into being back on the grind I was asked why. Like you said to each his own. Fun blog, I know I’ll enjoy being a part of this family.

    • I know right…. damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Honestly, it’s not possible to make everybody happy….you are not a chanel purse! lol The most important thing for me is doing what makes me happy, and what is convenient for my family in that time.

      We are glad to have you 🙂 stick around, i think you’ll enjoy it x

  37. I just saw this blog.. Totally enjoyed reading the write and the comments.. Well I am working wife. I live in a seperate state from the hubs. Tried relocating but it hasn’t worked out yet. I earn more than the hubs because of the industry I work in so I can’t quit. It’s difficult being a working mom. It’s more difficult in a long distance marriage. Most SATHM don’t know what is to struggle and make money to keep your family financially stable. People keep coming up to me telling me negative things. I just ignore them. Newaz totally enjoyed reading the blog. You are lucky you are working just because you want to and not because you have to. 🙂

  38. To that I answer, yes. I am lucky to spend my days with the cutest, happiest, most joy filled boss around. The days are long, really long, but the years are short. I wouldn t trade this job for any amount of money or fame and I know it is right where I am supposed to be.

  39. In my opinion, I think the condemnation steams on both sides. I would just say it’s part of life. Whatever one does would either be praised or condemned. As u rightly said, to each his own……. U r a SAHM, people say u don’t know what it feels like to cater for ur family, or she’s wasting away her education (Ermmm, forgetting that running a home n kids is also catering for ur family even if no one pays u a salary). U r a WM, people still condemn u n accuse u of preferring work over family or say u r letting a nanny raise ur child. Bottom line is, it’s expected so far as there’s life. Be u fat, slim, tall, short, pretty, not so pretty, people will still talk. So I’ve resolved myself to being happy with my life’s choices and never letting anyone’s ill meaning comments bother me. Oh btw, am a SAHM, n very stressed out. Now imagine a WM, who has to face work, traffic stress and still come home to more work. Women need to just stop and appreciate and encourage each other. We have a long way. I’m loving ur blog btw, and right after this epistle comment I’ll b subscribing. ? Keep being a super mom ?

  40. In my opinion, I think the condemnation steams on both sides. I would just say it’s part of life. Whatever one does would either be praised or condemned. As u rightly said, to each his own……. U r a SAHM, people say u don’t know what it feels like to cater for ur family, or she’s wasting away her education (Ermmm, forgetting that running a home n kids is also catering for ur family even if no one pays u a salary). U r a WM, people still condemn u n accuse u of preferring work over family or say u r letting a nanny raise ur child. Bottom line is, it’s expected so far as there’s life. Be u fat, slim, tall, short, pretty, not so pretty, people will still talk. So I’ve resolved myself to being happy with my life’s choices and never letting anyone’s ill meaning comments bother me. Oh btw, am a SAHM, (with a masters degree) n very stressed out. Now imagine a WM, who has to face work, traffic stress and still come home to more work. Women need to just stop and appreciate and encourage each other. We have a long way. I’m loving ur blog btw, and right after this epistle comment I’ll b subscribing. ? Keep being a super mom ?

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