A test of faith…..

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.....and in that moment, i became "mom"

In the spirit of being honest here, I thought I should share a personal experience that encouraged and intensified not only my faith but also my strength.

I had a textbook pregnancy. Perfect in every sense of the word. No complaints. I travelled when i had to, exercised regularly, ate healthy (for the most part).

3 months preggos
3 months preggos
6 months preggos
6 months preggos

Then when I was 30 weeks pregnant, I went to the Doctor’s office for routine antenatal consultations and had an ultrasound done. As the ultrasound tech was performing the scan, I could tell something was up. She got very quiet, and said she wanted to call the mid-wife in. The mid-wife came in and the tech kept showing her the screen. I figured it was nothing, but I asked her what the problem was. She said the tech noticed what is called “an echogenic focus/foci” in “my baby’s heart” – a bright spot in the heart of the baby.

about 30 weeks preggos
about 30 weeks preggos

Upon hearing that, I broke into a million pieces – figuratively of course. They explained that the echogenic focus was a mark that could indicate the baby could have Down syndrome. Although it has no bearing on the heart function it could be a problem if there were other chromosomal abnormalities (CA), which could indicate Down syndrome and other birth defects.

There was something about how she said it. She wouldn’t look at me, and I was engulfed in fear. The midwife just kept telling me it was just one of those things, and that I didn’t do anything wrong.

Apparently, it just happens. These things just happen.

I was an absolute wreck. I cried.

At the end of the meeting, the Doctor wrote it down on a sticky paper, gave me some pamphlets and encouraged me to do other tests. She insisted that we “find out” so that we could decide what to do about it.

took a picture of the note...
took a picture of the note…

I was discouraged to do an amnio (Amniocentesis is generally done between 15 – 20 weeks of pregnancy to look at genetic information or for birth defects testing) because I had gone too far in the pregnancy and the amnio carries a small risk of miscarriage. So my option was to do a more comprehensive ultrasound scan and maybe other tests.

I was confused. Did I want to do the scan / tests to find out? If it turned out that my unborn baby had CA, what were my options? I knew what my options were; I just didn’t want to think about it.

At this time I was spending a week at a friend’s house, Abby, while my apartment was being furnished. I told her when I got back from the Dr’s office, and she assured me that everything was going to be fine and I should discuss it with The Hubs.

I couldn’t call The Hubs so I sent him a message. I took a picture (of the Dr’s note) and sent it to him via bbm. It was the best I could do. I think he checked it on Google, I never asked, but he called me shortly after and I just cried.

When I was done he tried to explain to me that the echogenic fetal focus was a “soft” marker for chromosomal abnormalities (CA) … meaning that some babies with CA show the echogenic focus, but not all babies with an echogenic focus have CA.

But there was likelihood, and we had to talk options.

How was I going to tell our parents?? I was ashamed, almost like it was my fault. The taboo that shrouds stories like this only added to the anguish I was feeling.

My sister was soooo strong and supportive. She was 100% POSITIVE that nothing was wrong with her nephew. She would say, don’t mind these Doctors, you know they have to give you the worst-case scenarios to avoid lawsuits.
Due to lack of personal experience, I had never stopped to consider that I could be caught in such an agonizing situation, one, which was not black and white, moral or immoral. It was an agony so intense that I felt physical pain whenever I thought about it.

I felt cheated.

I felt betrayed by God. I am a believer, a Christian, how does this happen?
The hubs and I were forced to consider worst-case scenarios and went back and forth on the options we had. Every choice was laden with guilt.

Together with our loved ones, we prayed (and they fasted) about it for over a week, considering it daily. We had faith that nothing was going to happen to our little munchkin, that he was going to be just fine. I felt it, he was inside me and I felt it.

Finally, we made a decision to do further scans and tests. Our decision to do the further tests was not because we didn’t have faith but because we did.

It was a personal choice but we wanted to know instead of being worried during the remainder of the pregnancy, and we had decided what to do either way the tests came out. Till date, this may be one of the biggest dilemmas The Hubs and I have ever been challenged to answer. Because either choice had its own deep set of consequences tied to it.

I was scheduled for a more comprehensive ultrasound on a Monday but I told everyone it was on a Wednesday. I needed a few days to process the result if things went “SOUTH”. So I went to the Doctor’s office for what I told my sister was “ a routine check”.

I think the scan tech remembered me from all the crying the last time, because she seemed to be as nervous as I was. I couldn’t look at the screen. I felt the cold gel of the ultra sound scanner rubbing against my belly but I couldn’t bring myself to look at the screen. Until the tech muttered something like “ it’s gone”, I don’t quite recall now what she said but I remember I immediately looked at the screen where she was pointing.

Again she called for the mid-wife and she also confirmed that they couldn’t find the echogenic focus anymore. It was literally……GONE!!! My faith, and the prayers of our family had come through for us. God had come through for us.

Fast forward 16months from then, I’m happy to say that I have a wonderful little boy, J…he’s awesome, and he is as healthy as can be.

He was born at a whooping 9lbs 12oz with no genetic abnormalities; although we would’ve loved him anyway. He was (a lot) bigger than I expected, but was (and is) everything I could hope for.

my miracle baby

my boy J
my boy

I’m speaking out so publicly now because I hope it encourages open discussions about pregnancy, child birth, motherhood, and the gruelling dilemmas and decisions that are also involved in parenthood.

FullSizeRender (7)

Motherhood is a lot more than the fun part that’s usually portrayed on social media. the Instagram syndrome lol!!

If your baby has not been diagnosed with a birth defect but you have been told that your baby may develop one, please get a second tests, or more tests done. Connect with your faith; whatever it be – Muslim, Christian, or otherwise.

You should think about how you want to handle this if it happens to you and not simply make a decision that someone else wants and pressures you to go along with. Do what your heart tells you that you can live with without regret. It’s a decision only YOU can make.

If you are faced with your own pregnancy dilemma, whatever that may be, my heart goes out to you. I hope my words have been helpful in some small way.

Love & Light,

Mrs O.

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80 COMMENTS

  1. Awesone, this just touched my heart and I know please of Women who go through the same thing every year, but being aware and opened to God is healing at all tune and Like the song says..”He’s an on time God”

    Just Beautiful

  2. God is awesome. I am not married yet but have been following most yummy mums on IG. Learning from their experiences to better equip me. God is definitely God

  3. I had a similar scare.. I was 28 weeks gone when an ultrasound picked up sumthing.. They refered me to A fetal clinic in the UK. the very experienced and popular professor said my child might have Down syndrome or some CA and advised me to do an amniocentesis. Like u said it carries a risk of miscarriage .. I was burnt! Cried like a baby and called my husband… He was in Naija at that time so we prayed over the phone and made declarations over our baby. Meanwhile the professor had sent me to their “quiet room”..the quiet room is where patients go to digest their bad news .. A nurse was sent to speak to me about Down syndrome and CA and encouraged me to do the test as they were sure the baby had one of the two. She also asked me if I was gon remove the baby or continue with the pregnancy .. my hubby just said ” please leave that place .. There’s nothing wrong with our child !” I left the place without even telling the nurses .. We kept praying and had faith . that everything will be fine. We also decided to keep it between our selves cos I have this belief that wen u talk about things like that u give life to the situation . Our baby was born at full term .. 8 pounds and very healthy ! Doctors don’t know eveything .. Sometimes they can be wrong . Always stick to Gods report and not the doctors and have faith . Sorry for the long story .. Xoxo

  4. Comment:awww am sooo touched.Jay indeed is a smart kid…ma smalk boyfriend.the power of God is like a floating wind it fills ur whole being wd grace

  5. such an amazing testimony Oby, u’r indeed a courageous woman. Faith is the key.
    I would like to share my testimony with all the mums and future mums reading here.
    am a 27 year old Cameroonian living in Germany with my hubby. Iam an electromehanical Enigineer Engineer working fultime too.
    God knows since i’m a kid i always wanted to have twins. So when l got pregnant of my 2nd baby(i already had a son)September 2014 and my doctor informed me that i was carrying a set of twins, u could imagine how immense my joy was. My husband and i were so excited that our dream has finally come to past. On the 23th of December that year i wasn’t feeling fine and just couldn’t tell what was wrong with me.My hubby decided we should go to the doctor. But my doctor was then on holidays so we went to one of his substitute. There the mid-wife did the scan and was so quiet, my husband kept asking her what the problem is while focusing his eyes on the screen too. She replied “hmm when last did u visit ur doctor?” before i could answer she said “u should visit ur doc as soon as he gets back from holidays” which was 2 weeks that day. “it’s ok u just have to rest and take some Magnesium which i will prescribe to you” she continued. When we got out of there i didn’t want to think further. I wanted to go directly to do my chrismass shopping. But my husband had a bad feeling and insisted we should go to the clinic. When we got there the doc who recieved us was a woman she did the scan and all the routines.After she said lets go to my office. There she told us that one of the twins is not developping well that it’s 2 weeks later with growth as the other and that his heartbeat is not regular. She said we will loose it and that since the two were in the same placenta we could probably loose both. At the minute i felt i couldn’t breathe and was going to die. She told i was going to have some bloodflow meaning the twins are disintergrating. And that immediately i see the flow i must return to the clinik for them to check.
    I went home soooo down and sad. My husband said we should cancel the chrismass shopping and since we have invited the family for newyear’s eve , he said we shoul cancel that too. My first son was almost 2 years old that time and that chrismass was going to be his first real one since the first one he was a baby. So i told myself i have to be brave and courageous for him and i wanted to offer him a joyfull Xmastime. So we went out shopping though we were sad n the day was black for us we proceeded with the shoping. When we got back home later that evening i had abdominal pains and before i could notice it i was having some bloodflow. I rushed to the clinic and they announced me one of the twin that had a problem is going out. So i spent the night there. When i woke up in the morning i my hubby and i had a long discussing and we decided to confront the docs. We asked the docs if there was anything they could do to save the other twin. They said not really that they can only give me some magnesium and vitamin and that we should leave things be done on ther own. I went back home that was on Chrismass eve. My husband and i sat down, and as we’ve never done before. We told God we know everything he does is for a purpose but that we’ll appreciate if he keeps the other twin safe and healthy. I called ma elder sister and told har the bad news. I can’t forget what she said ” the God i serve will never fail, i know the baby is going to stay just have faith and bow down” So this is how we prayed together with my mum since i didn’t want to alert the whole family. Only my sister and mum knew about it. We spent the 25th in a dark mood and went back to the clinic on the 27th. The doctor said the baby is almost completely disintergrated. And i asked what about the 2nd one? he said still there but u know there’s no guarantee he’s going to make it.
    On newyear’s eve we hosted some friends and family at the house and we spent it as if nothing was wrong. I needed to see people in other to get out of my mood for a second. So ate, talked, listened to music….. and through out the night when i wanted to cry, i would go to my bedroom or toilet and cry, then dry the tears and come out for the guests not to notice.
    Finally on the 3rd of January ma doc was back so we went there. He told us he’s recieved my note from the clinic and from his substitute. I just started crying couldn’t help but cry. He said nothing is lost yet we will do the scan and see what we can do next. His words comforted me bcuz since all this happened no doc told me we’ll see what we can do. I dried my tears and he started doing the scan. It took him almost an hour cuz he wanted to acknowledge all the different positions of the baby. After that he told my husband and i that the other twin is completely gone and he told me to stop work, stay at home lying down continue taking the magnesium and free my mine that he thinks with a bit of luck the baby could make it. So he gave us an appointment in exactly 1 week later. I went home did just as he said. I would wake up in the morning take a shower, lie down on my couch, put on the tv and eat.That was all. The next week we went as he said, he checked nothing has happened to our lil one and the heartbeats were pretty good. He said i think we are on the right way. 2 months later i was 7 months pregnant then and the doc found out that my cervix was too soft that the baby could come anytime if care not taken. so they had to keep me layed down with the legs stretched up for about 3 weeks. I didn’t stop praying for God to save my baby. Thank God my mum came over to help with my first son since he was going to daycare, housemanagement and most of all give me company. We went through these downs and one faithfull sunday morning as i got up i felt some pains and told my husband ” babe i think im in labour” he was so afraid and thought it was one of there dark episodes coming back. i assured him and we waited till 9p.m when the pains were intensed to go to the clinic immediately as we got there the mid-wife checked and told the nurse to install me immediately. Before the mid-wife asked me to push my baby was already there. It decided not to make mum pass through all the pains of childbirth after all she has endured during the pregnancy. When i heard my baby crying i couldn’t help but cry too thanking God for all he’s done for us. We had a bouncing big baby boy (3820g/ 53 cm). Who could have imagined? Since then my son is so full of life, a happy baby. Are there people still doubting God’s work? I will forever be greatful for his deeds in my life. This is my testimony.

  6. It’s amazing how you touch and inspire me now oby dearest.I wish you all the best and more of God’s grace and wisdom to reach out to our beautiful mothers cos God knows we need this.
    ?? my darling oby

  7. Your story is very inspiring and touchy I love your little cute family I follow you on IG. My family is goal, baby J is the cutest and your outfits are “To Die” always on point. This will not just encourage mothers but anyone to keep their faith in no matter what situation they’re in. I’m so glad baby J is fine and a happy baby. May God continue to Bless you and your family ?

    • Isn’t God really awesome? Reading all the testimonies here shows that he is, after all he said “I am God is there anything too hard for me”. Am a first time Mum and a miraculous one because I can’t even say when I conceived . My husband would say “if I didn’t see you go through your last period, I would have suspected you”. Lol because the last time he came to me was a day after my period because and he was being careful so I don’t get pregnant. We just got married so he wanted to grove and flex with his sure babe. Me on the other hand can’t wait to fill up my tummy, but I was scared because I don’t even know what ovulation looked like, never had to bother about such things until the time came .after the wedding I tried nothing happened MP came again i was so worried, I went to the hospital I told the doctor and explained to him, he asked me to go for hormonal test, when I checked out the price for the test it was outrageous so I told my husband that I won’t do the test that am fine and my baby will come. He just laughed because we just got married and didn’t see reason for my panic and him didn’t want it so early. We went home I got ovulation strip to check for it myself, checked nothing happened I was angry and dropped the remaining. On the last day of ovulation. I tried to get my husband in the mood but noting was going to happen because when he was in the mood I felt this sharp pain inside can’t explain it but it just switch me off. (that was why he made that statement earlier), now I know God had started work in me, because the only time was after my mp which medically is considered to b safe. Month end no Mp took a mid nite pregnancy test I was filled with joy. I think am the happiest person to ever see a double line in pregnancy strip. I tagged last year my year of testimonies and God didn’t disappoint me. My EMD was Jan when the time came baby refuse to come out, have you see a nine months pregnant babe running on trademill I did that still for where, but on that faithful day of God 1st Feb my baby asked to be my Val. And I said yes with all my heart and mind and body as we all know the process was not easy but God saw me through I prayed for healthy baby he gave me. I call him Kamsi, my Testimony baby. The joy I see in my husband’s eyes when he carries him is so filling

  8. I’ve really been inspired by this Oby
    God bless you because I’m also going through something similar. First time mom and my baby has been diagnosed with SB(Sickle cell thalassemia). I had amniocentesis but results came as inconclusive:
    I felt like slapping the consultant who gave me the news.
    I mean how come you couldn’t get a result after all this risk.
    I’ve cried and I’ve prayed with the hubs.
    On Monday 15.02 we going to have a second test and my faith has been lifted knowing that the same God who did this miracle for you will do same for me.
    God bless you and keep on doing you????

    • Amen my darling! I’ll say a prayer for you too, and hopefully other readers here. There’s ABSOLUTELY nothing too big for God to do.

      God Bless you too, and your little munchkin. x

  9. Thank you for being so open and candid in your blog. This post took me back to my own pregnancy. Like you, I am a full time lawyer and now a full time wife and mom. I too went through the same thing — I received that diagnosis that my baby girl had an ecogenic foci. I remember my appointment like it was yesterday and my daughter is almost 3 months old now. It was the first appointment my husband could not make it to and it was the last one that he missed. I remember looking at the scan and asking what that spot was and the tech telling me that it was “nothing” and that I should discuss it with my doctor. I remember how long it took the doctor to come in to talk to me and the heart wrenching tears that followed. The immediate shock and then utter disbelief that something could be wrong with our baby girl. I called my husband immediately and did not get him (he was in a meeting), I went to the ladies room and prayed, then went ahead and asked them to draw my blood to run the test. Waiting for the results was an exercise in patience and faith – the longest 2 weeks of my life, but each day I prayed that everything was well and ultimately it was. The test showed no other abnormalities and by my next ultrasound the bright spot had disappeared. I am so thankful for our baby girl and those first few weeks when I would wake every 2 hours to feed her and I was crazy exhausted, the knowledge that she was a happy and healthy baby girl got me through the night. Although “me time” now seems like a thing of the past, I will not change a single thing about it. We have a great family and a neighborhood to help us raise our little one. I look forward to your reading your future posts.

    • Thank God your little munchkin is fine! The gift of good health cannot be over emphasized.

      You should subscribe to the mailing list (it’s free) so you’ll get notified on new posts. Stick around mama, you’ll love what’s coming up x

  10. Hello Oby,
    Was really encouraged by this piece. What wouldl u say to a mother that her child’s birth defect was detected after she was delivered?

  11. Hello Oby,
    I was really encouraged by your piece. Thank God for the miracle. What would you say to a mother who only found out about her child’s birth defect on the day the child came forth??

    • Thank you namesake 😉

      I’ll say she should love him / her all the same – a baby with birth defects is not any less deserving of love and nurturing.

      And I hope the mom has the strength and grace to do so hun. Sending best wishes her way x

  12. This is really cool! i felt peace reading what everyone had to share and i urge each and everyone of us to keep testifying so as to encourage others. I will also like to add that we live a prayer filled life filled with praises…
    Oby, keep the good work going. kudos!

    • Thank you hun! I also encourage everyone to share their stories / testimonies – it’s encouraging in faith and it’s refreshing to see other moms openly share their experiences. well done hun x

  13. Faith as tiny as a mustard seed indeed moves mountains. I’m in awe of your faith provoked bundle of sweetness,J, a beauty to behold. Please do keep the faith alive cos theres more where that came from and I must say your pieces are really enlightening.Im a single lawyer and Really, i dont even want to start thinking of how i’d be able to cope with working as a mum but Thank God for this platform.You handle the whole mum wife working class combo pretty well.Thumbs up and God bless you.

  14. @Larrisa, wow. That’s a great miracle. Some of such just take this things for granted. I am a mother of four. We get pregnant no issues and give birth. Stories like yours makes me appreciate God more for the miracle of giving birth without issues. God bless and keep your children dear. @Oby, I just stumbled on your blog today and I must say am in love with it.

    • I’m glad you like the blog, you should subscribe (it’s free) and you’ll get updated on new posts. I think you’ll like what we have coming.

      I know right, about taking things for granted – we all do!! i’m grateful for testimonies that remind me of how blessed I am.

      Hugs x

  15. This Blog is IT!!!! Currently at work and I cannot wait to get out and to catch up!!!

    Big J is so so cute 🙂 and you are a fine Mummy.

    • Thank you my darling Funmi, i hope you like it….and if there’s anything you would like us to talk about, please feel free to send an e-mail or drop a comment!! i love hearing experiences of other young moms too x

  16. This has really been a blessing to me. Not married yet tho, but learning so much at the moment, and this is sooooooo helpful. Thank you so much Oby,God Bless

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  18. I was reading this yesterday not knowing my doom awaits me later in the evening. I was three months pregnant and as I was going through the testimonies I felt a sharp pang in my tummy, checked my panties and saw blood. Quickly called my hubby, both panicky we went for scan and we were told the baby’s heart has stopped beating. We were devastated, we held each other and cried out our hearts. A D&C was done immediately. In all these I drew comfort knowing that God has a good reason for this, my baby cud come out with a birth defect or down syndrome. I felt it’s my fault for not being extra careful, It’s just a fetus but I felt like I know my baby and sad that I never met her.
    Some people face worst and end up with a beautiful testimony to tell, I pray my patience in this trying time pays off. We woke up this morning and cried some more, we had so much plans being the first pregnancy.
    Oby O, you doing a good job.

    • Hey darling, accept my heartfelt sympathy. My faith is Christianity, and some scriptures like Mark 11:24 and Romans 15:13 resonate with me when situations seem challenging. I pray your patience and faith will soon produce a testimony that would encourage others too!

      Be patient with yourself, and give yourself time to heal.

      Sending hugs and kind prayers your way x

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