Before I had J I had some really “cool” ideas about how I would parent my child. I would look at other kids acting out and silently judge their moms “how could she let him do that!!” “that could never be me” blah blah. I’d shoot dirty looks at moms at the airport who couldn’t control their screaming toddlers, or moms who would be literally screaming down the place trying to control their kids. “How hard could it be to keep your child in check?” – said my naive old self lol
Then I became a mom!
When it came to things I would never do as a mom, I had a long list. But now the further I get into this mommyhood gig, the more of my words I seem swallow.
So, in no particular order, here’s some of the things I’ve done lately as a mom that I NEVER thought I would do:
- I totally share cutlery with my son: I do this a lot. I’m sure if you follow my snapchat @oby_o you’ll probably think we are gross! I try all his food – to make sure it’s not too hot lol. I am totally fine with spoon sharing/sharing food. I think he enjoys eating off of my plate even. Pre-kid, I used to think it was sooo gross when I would see moms do this, but here we are down the line lol.
- When J was much younger, I always I told myself I wouldn’t let him just pick things up off the floor, because, I mean that’s gross, right? lol. I would sterilize EVERYTHING that touches ANYTHING! And then he became a toddler, and that has become an almost impossible task!!
- I reply to Instagram comments in J’s voice – “Thank you Aunty x”, “I love you too Aunty, Y” lool, it used to be my biggest motherhood pet peeve but now – for some reason – I do it, all the time!!! lol
I know I’m not alone. Right? lol
- Co-sleep?? Never! Well, now we do this every other Friday night just because the arrangement is pure love. I love the snuggles, and the way he holds my face, talks to me, sings to me, until he falls asleep. PURE LOVE!!
- I am freaking OBSESSED with sniffing J. I don’t know if it’s the baby powder or the baby oil or if it’s just the scent of pure UNDILUTED LOVE!!! I used to wonder why moms did this, but now I don’t care lol I just sniff away, sometimes even in public.
- Sometimes I laugh when J cries *coversface* He has this fake cry (no tears) that he does now, it’s the funniest thing ever lol. He just whines for attention sometimes, and I know I probably shouldn’t laugh but it’s so funny and sad at the same time!!!!
- At times when I need to keep J calm (especially on a flight) I give him stuff that he shouldn’t have, like my cell phone or the remote control or any empty plastic bottle of water lol he just seems more entertained sometimes with my own stuff. Not sure if this is a good habit, I don’t think it is really lol
- Okay, i don’t know if this makes me a bit weird but…..there was this one time when J had a very awful cold that left his nose clogged with snot, so i put my mouth over his nose, had a quick deep suck, and spat the snot out once i’d managed to get it out. We usually use the saline drops and the aspirator but it seemed he was too uncomfortable and couldn’t breathe properly – clearly the aspirator wasn’t doing the job properly. I just thought to myself – “you know what, he’s my baby, I have an immune system, i might as well get this done” Plus my mom used to do it with my younger siblings, all the time!! i admit it’s a bit gross but if you saw your child struggling to breathe, you’ll do ANYTHING!!
Once in a while I’m hard on myself for not living up to this insane standard of “perfect mom, but most times I manage to convince myself that I’m doing just great, and there is NO SUCH THING as a “perfect mom”, we are all just perfect for our kids.
When J was much younger he was a great sleeper, his sleep schedule was like clock-work (instagram worthy lol), he always ate without protest, little or no mess and would only cry if he needed to be picked up.
Then he started crawling, then standing, then walking, then running and things kinda switched up lol. Now my J has a mind of his own when it comes to bed-time, and he throws tantrums every now and then; yeah it’s a thing they (toddlers) do. It’s the absolute WORST, but it’s kind of funny too lol
So I have come to the conclusion that unless each individual baby comes out with a manual, there’s basically no way of knowing the best method for any child because it seems parenting is really an on-the-job training. Each child has different needs. While some fall asleep with just a good night kiss, some need a pacifier, or a night light — or mama’s hug. Ultimately, you have to determine what’s right for your child in the moment.
If you are feeling somewhat beat down, that your parenting skills are not as top notch as you would want or as you have been made to believe “it should be”, please remind yourself that “parenting” is not so black and white. Children are very complex, and every child is a distinct individual – so it’s okay to change it up a little when it comes to “mom style”.
And despite the list above, J is pretty great, he’s super smart, super active and he’s probably going to be a rocket scientist. Because I said so, just kidding.
So what do you do as a mom that you never thought you would OR what’s on your “list of things to never do” when you become a mom?
P.S: Thank you EVERYONE for all the love and support!! I receive the most hilarious, and sometimes the most heartfelt e-mails and comments. I’m grateful for everyone in this space, the new friends I’ve made here already, you guys are amazing!! Be you a SAHM, WM, WFHM, etc., there is an unspoken solidarity between moms which brings a level of courtesy, kindness even, and a certain sisterhood which is quite unexplainable.
It’s important for moms to commiserate, even if it’s just to hear each other vent, without feeling judged.
Hopefully one day we can all meet up! X
Love & Light,