A few things I never thought I’ll do as a mom…..

...until i became a mom

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Before I had J I had some really “cool” ideas about how I would parent my child. I would look at other kids acting out and silently judge their moms “how could she let him do that!!” “that could never be me” blah blah. I’d shoot dirty looks at moms at the airport who couldn’t control their screaming toddlers, or moms who would be literally screaming down the place trying to control their kids. “How hard could it be to keep your child in check?” – said my naive old self lol

Then I became a mom!

 

J and Mr Snuggles, he doesn't really like Mr Snuggles anymore :(
J and Mr Snuggles, at 3 weeks

When it came to things I would never do as a mom, I had a long list. But now the further I get into this mommyhood gig, the more of my words I seem swallow.

So, in no particular order, here’s some of the things I’ve done lately as a mom that I NEVER thought I would do:

  1. I totally share cutlery with my son: I do this a lot. I’m sure if you follow my snapchat @oby_o you’ll probably think we are gross! I try all his food – to make sure it’s not too hot lol. I am totally fine with spoon sharing/sharing food. I think he enjoys eating off of my plate even. Pre-kid, I used to think it was sooo gross when I would see moms do this, but here we are down the line lol.
  2. When J was much younger, I always I told myself I wouldn’t let him just pick things up off the floor, because, I mean that’s gross, right? lol. I would sterilize EVERYTHING that touches ANYTHING! And then he became a toddler, and that has become an almost impossible task!!
  3. I reply to Instagram comments in J’s voice – “Thank you Aunty x”, “I love you too Aunty, Y” lool, it used to be my biggest motherhood pet peeve but now – for some reason – I do it, all the time!!! lol

I know I’m not alone. Right? lol

  1. Co-sleep?? Never! Well, now we do this every other Friday night just because the arrangement is pure love. I love the snuggles, and the way he holds my face, talks to me, sings to me, until he falls asleep. PURE LOVE!!
  2. I am freaking OBSESSED with sniffing J. I don’t know if it’s the baby powder or the baby oil or if it’s just the scent of pure UNDILUTED LOVE!!! I used to wonder why moms did this, but now I don’t care lol I just sniff away, sometimes even in public.
  3. Sometimes I laugh when J cries *coversface* He has this fake cry (no tears) that he does now, it’s the funniest thing ever lol. He just whines for attention sometimes, and I know I probably shouldn’t laugh but it’s so funny and sad at the same time!!!!
  4. At times when I need to keep J calm (especially on a flight) I give him stuff that he shouldn’t have, like my cell phone or the remote control or any empty plastic bottle of water lol he just seems more entertained sometimes with my own stuff. Not sure if this is a good habit, I don’t think it is really lol
  5. Okay, i don’t know if this makes me a bit weird but…..there was this one time when J had a very awful cold that left his nose clogged with snot, so i put my mouth over his nose, had a quick deep suck, and spat the snot out once i’d managed to get it out. We usually use the saline drops and the aspirator but it seemed he was too uncomfortable and couldn’t breathe properly – clearly the aspirator wasn’t doing the job properly. I just thought to myself – “you know what, he’s my baby, I have an immune system, i might as well get this done” Plus my mom used to do it with my younger siblings, all the time!! i admit it’s a bit gross but if you saw your child struggling to breathe, you’ll do ANYTHING!!

Once in a while I’m hard on myself for not living up to this insane standard of “perfect mom, but most times I manage to convince myself that I’m doing just great, and there is NO SUCH THING as a “perfect mom”, we are all just perfect for our kids.

When J was much younger he was a great sleeper, his sleep schedule was like clock-work (instagram worthy lol), he always ate without protest, little or no mess and would only cry if he needed to be picked up.

Then he started crawling, then standing, then walking, then running and things kinda switched up lol. Now my J has a mind of his own when it comes to bed-time, and he throws tantrums every now and then; yeah it’s a thing they (toddlers) do. It’s the absolute WORST, but it’s kind of funny too lol

So I have come to the conclusion that unless each individual baby comes out with a manual, there’s basically no way of knowing the best method for any child because it seems parenting is really an on-the-job training. Each child has different needs. While some fall asleep with just a good night kiss, some need a pacifier, or a night light — or mama’s hug. Ultimately, you have to determine what’s right for your child in the moment.

If you are feeling somewhat beat down, that your parenting skills are not as top notch as you would want or as you have been made to believe “it should be”, please remind yourself that “parenting” is not so black and white. Children are very complex, and every child is a distinct individual – so it’s okay to change it up a little when it comes to “mom style”.

And despite the list above, J is pretty great, he’s super smart, super active and he’s probably going to be a rocket scientist. Because I said so, just kidding.

So what do you do as a mom that you never thought you would OR what’s on your “list of things to never do” when you become a mom?

P.S: Thank you EVERYONE for all the love and support!! I receive the most hilarious, and sometimes the most heartfelt e-mails and comments. I’m grateful for everyone in this space, the new friends I’ve made here already, you guys are amazing!! Be you a SAHM, WM, WFHM, etc., there is an unspoken solidarity between moms which brings a level of courtesy, kindness even, and a certain sisterhood which is quite unexplainable.

It’s important for moms to commiserate, even if it’s just to hear each other vent, without feeling judged.

Hopefully one day we can all meet up! X

Love & Light,

Mrs O.

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47 COMMENTS

  1. Hahahaha Oby u r hilarious, i can so relate to this loool. I knew i had officially become a mummy when i sucked snot from my babies nose! After the first 2 times i wasnt even grossed out, i was actually feeling cool like yaaaas i have just saved ur life! Lol. Another thing I said I wouldn’t do was breastfeed the bambino to sleep! I was going to rock, sing, bedtime story, or put him down when he is drowsy as they say lol. As none of that was just working i will just bring the boob and 5 mins in, he is fast asleep. Iv been ‘warned’ this is not good for him to associate food with sleep, i shall try to wean him off it, but its working for now jare lool. Then I NEVER thought I could like the smell of poo, but I actually don’t mind the smell of breast fed poo atalll lol, my friends think imcrazy when i tell them his poo smells like sweets lol, mayb that will change when he starts solids!!!

  2. Very well said.
    Co-sleeping was high up there, me? co-sleep? Never! Oh well I have done it (still do at least once every week , no shame)!
    Before I had Sese, I thought anyone that wants to touch my child will have to wash their hands, I started, I was about the first to derail. I said mmm I’m her mum no worries by the time she was about 3 months it had literally faded.
    Then controlling my child in public I was that lady that would always give a side eye when you child was screaming and you don’t just know what to do to calm them well, here we are…

  3. Oby, I just discovered your blog and I love it! I would like to develop solo hobbies/volunteering or something else similar as a way for ‘me time’ – any suggestions pls?

    Oh btw, are you based in Nigeria or abroad?

    • Hey Hun! i live in Nigeria :) that’s home! lol

      If you can send an e-mail to playsuitsandlawsuits@gmail.com we can discuss your interests and what you could possibly consider based on where you are!! I may have a few ideas especially if it’s Lagos or Abuja, Nigeria.

      Glad you like the blog! Sending hugs your way x

  4. I literally swore never to back my baby, that I was gonna use a carrier and so dint include the popular ‘oja’ (yoruba) for backing in my baby list, but oh well, I’m practically the best baby backer of all time now lol.. Especially when I need get house hold chores done, the ‘comfort zone’ is what I call it if not ‘back prison’ hahaha. Right up till she became 2 plus I still did, even till I became pregnant the with my new born. I just laugh at myself like. Because honestly it’s just like d safest place ones baby could stay. Except when we visit malls whr I just need her have a view of her surroundings too. Still, my back becomes itchy to put her behind me so I cud shop with ease. Wt some mom’s could relate to this..

    • hahahaha i sooooo know what you mean! I really invested in those carriers, now i can’t even be bothered with it. My back is a life saver when i need him to nap or i just need my hands lol

      Kisses to your Little Ones x

  5. Comment:I laughed thru out this blog…we mums are rili funny to do prekid lists..u rili inspire me and a fins u alil of a rolemodel to me jx in different working fields.kises frm GH

  6. I said I will never back my child and I didn’t for a while until we went to church stime in his 5th month and he was soo sleepy and my arms were aching me from carrying him so he could sleep. My lovely friend (will tag her on IG) quickly educated me on the pros of backing him and even showed me how to do it snuggly. I became an expert. Lol. She also never saw herself backing her child. I totally relate with the laughing when they are crying and I even imitate my son . It soo funny. I love to snuggle and sniff and kiss too. On point write up.

  7. Lol! Oby O! The snort part yeeessss that’s me lol!!! I used to see my mom do it and u swore I WOULD NEVER EVER do that……..well here I am 2 kids later and the aspiratior!?! Nahhhhh kkkkkkkk

  8. I love your blog oby! Before I had my bundle of joy.,me and my hubby always gossiped when we see mothers not being able to control their kids in public but now I can relate , I never thought I’d suck out phlegm from my sons nostrils either, lol, but yeah I did it. And yes I sniff too and I co sleep , motherhood ain’t easy but it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me
    Oby pls can u do an article about how u control your baby on an air plane and things to pack along for a trip. Xo

    • Awwww thank you Mrs A! Lol it’s the best thing that has happened to me too!!!

      sure, i’m working on 2 posts – Traveling with an Infant and Traveling with a Toddler. Stick around hun, i think you’ll like it x

      • Oby, I will really appreciate the new blog post.

        I’m embarking on a long haul trip with my 6 months son (just both of us) in a few weeks time. Edinburgh -london-new York- london- Lagos and then back to london-Edinburgh.

        Looking back now, I’m wondering what I was thinking and I’m actually beginning to panic especially considering how he behaved during the last plane ride.

        He’s been on four trips on a plane but the last one (when he was 5 months) was a terrible experience. He cried just after we passed through security, all through boarding, take off to landing. At a point, I was close to tears and utterly frustrated.

  9. As a FWM, the only peeve I have is exposing the breast to feed a baby in public, I don’t think I’ll ever do that.. so it kinda freak me out when I see a mom doing it without covering up adequately, I honestly hope I don’t ever do that.. I think that’s the only thing that freaks me out, the others when I see a toddler or baby throwing tantrums, I always try to smile with the child and make funny faces to make them laugh, everyother thing a child does in public is just major adorbs!!! (maybe it’s hormones, not sure) throwing tantrums, picking things from the floor, sharing a cutlery with their mom.. every other thing just makes me smile and make me want to have mine soon

  10. Lol life!! You can’t understand till you’re in that position/situation. Always got irritated when I saw kids throwing tantrums in public, never thought I’ld suck out phlegm from baby’s nostrils, never thought I could give up my sleep for anyone (???), never thought I’ld be able to Breastfeed(even while I was pregnant, until that very sec I held my baby and everything changed), Lol but now it’s a different story. God is good

  11. Why do I find so much life in your blog? Ill say am more inspired by your career path because I am not yet a mom..still in law school. You have been an inspiration from way back than you will ever know! Much love from Uganda, I know I will meet you some day. Kisses to the baby that has his pictures lined up as screenshots in my gallery because he is as handsome ?X

  12. Hey! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with SEO? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good success. If you know of any please share. Many thanks!

  13. My Ariel is just 2 months and I have broken almost every promise I made but no regrets at all! Before I gave birth I had a long list of things I said…. Me? Hell Nah! First was co-sleep, I said nope she needs to sleep in her bassinet and then crib, she’ll be more independent if I did that….. She’s slept in my bed and most times on my chest since she was just 2 weeks old Loool! I swore I’d never suck out phlegm, my mum had been doing it but this day, everyone went out and it was just me and my lo at home and poor thing’s nose was blocked so bad, I just held her head and did the do. I thought…. That wasn’t bad at all! These and many more TBH….., I definitely sniff her A LOT especially her neck and hair, I guess I’m just very obsessed lol! I will start back her soon, my mum refused to teach me cus she said its old school but I feel it’s convenient for my baby and I! We definitely speak too soon usually whilst pregnant and everything changes once the baby arrives. Lol

  14. So i took my kids to the villa for xmas and ohh boyy U need to see my kids looking soo crazy…i tried all i could to stop them from playing with sand, pouring sand on their hair removing there slippers etc and doing someother things i swore my kids would never do… I just gave up finally cos my mum kept insisting that Umuaka ga esi nri aja (children esp girls practice cooking with sand)…. Motherhood is just sooo overwhelming.

  15. …..So i took my kids to the villa for xmas and ohh boyy U need to see my kids looking soo crazy…i tried all i could to stop them from playing with sand, pouring sand on their hair removing there slippers etc and doing someother things i swore my kids would never do… I just gave up finally cos my mum kept insisting that Umuaka ga esi nri aja (children esp girls practice cooking with sand)…. Motherhood is just sooo overwhelming.

  16. Comment: life who would have tot I could do all this things you’ve mentioned but like the saying change is constant,like I always say we women rock and I pray that God’s wisdom and strength will see us though in all our endeavors to bring up godly children. Oby good may God increase u in wisdom in jesus name amen

  17. 1)I used to give serious side eyes to babies that cried on a plane and wondered why the parent(s) couldn’t ‘do’ something about it. Lol. Now I know better as my baby recently showed me ‘pepper’ on a flight.

    2)I also used to secretly wish I wasn’t sat next to anybody with a baby/toddler because I wanted a ‘quiet’ flight. Smh. I have asked God to forgive me for my selfishness.

    3)sucking catarrah. Hmmm. I swore never to do it and I thought it was disgusting. Now I’m a pro. I even suck and swallow sometimes sef especially when baby sneezes back to back or we are out in public and no place to spit.

    4) if someone told me I would breastfeed for 6 months I would have put a tape on their lips. Lol. I actually ‘thought’ 3 months is all I would do. But look at me now, my baby is 6 months and I’m actively breastfeeding and it’s looking like I’m going to do it for another 6 months. Lol

    5) I also used to look at mums having “conversations” with a baby with funny eyes. Lol. Now I talk to my baby like I’m talking to my best friend. “Mummy wants to go to the loo. I will be right back. Is that okay?” Lol. P.s. Baby is only 6 months oh. Lol

    However, there are somethings I have stuck to though. Such as not backing my baby (I’m scared he would end up with ‘bow’ legs as I believe backing a child affects the legs, lol), so I use a baby carrier. I am also not a fan of pap (ogi) at all. People say kids love it a lot but I have absolutely no intention of feeding my baby with it during or after he’s been fully weaned.

  18. SINCE Z FIRST DAY I SAW YOUR ACCOUNT IN INSTAGRAM I BECOME UR NUMBER ONE FAN I LOVE YOUR FAMILY I HV LOTSSSS OF THINGS TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I ADORE YOU BAD THING AM NOT GOOD N WRITING ENGLISH. AM FROM DAR ES SALAAM TANZANIA N HERE W’R SPEAKING SWAHIL TOO BAD VERY BAD I CANT COMMENT N YOUR POSTS I READ VERY WELL BIG ISSUE IS WRITING. I LOVE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY♥♥♥♥ KNOW YOU HAVE A FAN WHO CANT COMMENT ALWAYS SHE S READING. KWAHERI NAKUPENDA NA ASANTE SANA

    • Thank you darling :)

      I looooveeee getting feedback from readers (from and) outside Nigeria :) it helps me appreciate just how far “this”can go.

      You should subscribe to the blog so you can get updated on new posts x

  19. Yeah I can relate to the sucking with your mouth thing.. It’s still gross tho but I don’t have a choice. .. Lol.. I used to judge other mums before I had mine, it’s not easy! Toddlers are a Handful ..

  20. Awe, you’re blog is so cute! I’m so happy I found it, it makes me look forward to the experience of motherhood one day. Number 8 on this post was pretty yucky, lol, it made me squeel and laugh so hard. But for sure it makes sense, you do what you gotta do for your kids. I just think you’re blog is awesome; I appreciate how transparent you are.

  21. Lol. This is probably so off. But how many packs of weave did u use on ur hair? 4 or 5 packs? I like how full it is…

    • LOL! I love full hair too! i used aout 3 and a half packs in this particular photo – shorter weaves are fuller by the way, so maybe use shorter lengths in front and longer lengths towards the back 😉

  22. I said I’d make them (one year old adorable twin girls) different dishes each day. Now I am guilty of stuffing same meal (noodles and cereals) in their lunch box every day. Weekends isn’t any better either. Usually stressed out from long hours of work during the weekdays (average of 13 hours these days).

  23. Thank God I found this. I got to your IG through your sis inlaw’s YouTube channel, and then through her IG I got to yours, thank I did. Regarding sucking out baby’s snot, it was something I would have sworn never to do because I always frown at it seeing some mothers do it when I was younger. It was quite irritating, but until I became a mother, and he had cold…….ask me I had a choice to set my baby free from the snot and help breath better. I couldn’t think of it being irritating any longer rather I did it with love and care. Most of the time we never can what happens, or even determine our actions and choice in certain things in life until we get there. You’re indeed a super, classy lawyerlady, WM, wife. God bless you more for who are and that you would continue to impact your generation positively . Hugs and kisses to J boy😍😍😍

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